One step closer to becoming me

a happy heart is what i got

2009-10-13T11:42:00.003-07:00

a thing happened today, only one thing and it made my heart happy. you see, my heart is heavy and not a whole lot does that for me right now. i took a shower, one that was much needed since i hadn't showered since friday evening...don't forget that my heart is heavy, i usually shower daily so try not to judge. while i was drying off i looked up at the fogged up mirror and it said "i love mom" some little person in my house was thinking of me and let the mirror know.

i know they love me but at times like this when i'm not feeling like much of a mother i wonder what they really think of me...like when i'm not coaxing an "i love you" from them by saying it first. they love me, someone loves me and thinks of me...even if it is in the shower.

a kitty can make the world a better place

2009-09-09T21:44:00.010-07:00

so a tradition in our family is at one of the kids first few birthdays we take them to the build a bear shop at downtown disney and let them choose a bear for them to cuddle and get them through those rough times... teething, night nights, etc...

addie chose "angelina" a kitty which looks like our grey cat "frankie" and is about her favorite thing in the world. at this point once you pick the animal, they then stuff it with cotton and you get to put some hearts inside.

all of the kids picked a heart and put them into angelina. addie couldn't contain herself, she was going absolutely bananas during this whole ordeal.

they then hand her the kitty before they do the final stitching for her to snuggle for a minute and then had the nerve to ask for it back. why give the kid the cat if they aren't finished yet? look at addie's face, she was so sad that they took angelina back.

after a round of tug-a-war, they finally gave her back to addie and let her give her new kitty a bath and combed her hair

then while everyone was shopping for an outfit, addie had some lunch

now she is back with angelina and pretty much can't take a nap without her. that was a fun day.

fun with sqwa bread at outback steakhouse

2009-09-07T21:28:00.004-07:00

so we enjoyed a nice dinner at outback steakhouse on saturday night with the williams. stacy always enjoys the chopped salad and since i don't eat very much, i'm not really picky there. except when it comes to sqwa bread. Not because i enjoy eating it but because i enjoy exploring my creative side with creating art with bread.

saturday i created a wonderful item that i placed on the sidewalk and the williams and stacy and i hid off in the distance to see folks reactions. it was absolutely halarious and sometimes its just fun to be juvenile. here is my creation and i must say... it looks pretty real.

-jeff (i hope stacy starts posting things on HER blog so we have some family memories).

you are never alone

2009-09-01T08:49:00.004-07:00

fortunately and unfortunately stacy and i were able to take some pictures of our dear friend gina and her family and friends for her husbands funeral last week. it was such a struggle for me to capture these images of the last time they will see their husband, father, son and brother. although stacy and i are know that we can be with our family and friends again once we part this earth , it is still almost impossible to imagine life without jeremy.

as i was editing some of the images, i came across this picture of gina and immediately saw her in a different light. we can sometimes in the throws of an unimaginable situation feel completely alone and abandoned. i am not even pretending to understand what gina is going through. when i see this picture i can almost feel her emotions and expressions of having those loved ones around you and those closest to us and yet we feel completely alone.

i am grateful to know that we are never alone. even when we feel like there is no way forward, no way out or no peace... where that lump in our throat never goes away or the tears just seem to stop because there is nothing left. we are never alone! i am so grateful to have captured this image. gina, you are not alone and never will be alone. i see all of the family and friends surrounding gina in this picture, i can't help but think that there are thousands surrounding us on the other side that are unseen lifting us up and carrying us through our trials. how else can a mother of four and one on the way move forward from this unexplainable situation.

we love you more than you know gina. you are in our thoughts, prayers, discussions and we are thinking of you more than we think of ourselves. you are never alone.

love you... Jeff

faces?

2009-08-26T13:07:00.027-07:00

so stacy is going to kill me (and some of her friends) for this post. Some of you don't know, but stacy is obsessed with taking pictures of herself (see below). Tristan even said today "Dad, how come Mom takes pictures of herself like that:"

She actually takes a picture of us helping her push while she is delivering addie... seriously?

and sometimes she gets so desperate, when she can't reach far enough away to get the picture, she won't give up... she exerts every ounce of energy and any method possible to take the picture. Look at the pain and angioush she goes through to get this critical "couples shot" of the two of us:

She even has Tatum doing it

but stacy isn't the only one doing strange things. here are some of stacy's best friends, I love them to death but I just don't get it. also, what the heck is stacy doing to elvis?

what is up with the angry coleslaw?

I don't think Rich will ever look at Amber the same, EVER AGAIN!

I am not innocent but I think a triathlon is a pretty normal use for half of the faces above and acceptable to most of society. I would think swimming, being mugged, lifting heavy objects or if you are just really stopped up are all good application for these faces. Not sure why they are being used above.

what I don't understand with how beautiful everyone is why the faces?

my wife is super cute and I love her. this is my favorite picture of her having fun and being normal:

Have a good day!

-Jeff

2009-08-23T09:28:00.002-07:00

gina (far left) is one of my favorite people on the planet. she has the sweetest smile and is BEYOND generous. she has an abundance of amazing qualities. amber and i always imitate her super high pitched voice and all of the words in the english language that are "hers" :)

this morning gina and her 4 kids with her 5th baby on the way were left behind by her husband who was called home to live with his heavenly father. please pray for her and her kids who rely on him so much. pray for them to have strength through this unimaginable trial. i know that jeremy is going to send a special spirit to gina and her kids in that new baby. i love to think of jeremy having a reunion of sorts with that special little baby.

i love you holt family

i love you jeremy

how other people see me

2009-08-20T12:17:00.005-07:00

i've never been one to worry how other people "see" me. i mean, i understand that i am the kind of person that people really like and have a ton of fun around or they just don't get me and can't stand to be around me because i'm just too much for them. i understand both, i like the first the best but TOTALLY understand the people that i'm too much for and it doesn't hurt my feelings a bit. :)

life has never been easy for me and i am fully aware that most people feel the same of their lives. life can be just plain hard at times. one thing that i have always struggled with is how i look...the other way that people "see" me. in my eyes i have never been cute enough or thin enough and as long as i can remember i have been on some kind of diet...yes, even in theses pics.

that body below wasn't good enough for me. men looked at it and whistled at it as i walked down the street but when i looked at it it made me sad. i have ALWAY said that my best feature is my hair. that is a lot of pressure for a hair stylist because if they mess up i've got nothing. :)

somehow with that hideous body ;) i was able to find a man to marry me and to this very day he has never complained that my body isn't good enough. no matter what size i've been he LOVES my body. what more could i ask for right?

i had babies and gained a little extra weight and was totally uncomfortable in my skin but could still look at myself in the mirror and in pictures. i didn't think much about how people would "see" me i just cared that i was acceptable to me because i was a though audience.

cute huh? Jeff's 30th!

a couple of week ago i went to the gym and did a class where me and my body were staring right back at me. when i look at myself i don't see the parts that are my worst because i ignore them. i know that i won't like them anyway. i know what the scale says and i know it tells the truth but my brain can't think of my body in those #'s

this is me! the me that i don't show everyone on my blog. the me without a child standing in front of me to "cover" up the lbs. that have crept on over the years.

this is my body the way that my husband sees it and takes a picture anyway.

this is me hiding behind my kids and after seeing the picture afterward realizing that i'm not really hiding after all. i'm gonna have to have 3 more kids to help me out with that.

this is how i look when my friends see me. i am so sorry. until i saw this i had no idea what i was exposing you to.

that is how other people really see me and until i saw some of these pictures and some that i just couldn't show you this is how i still saw myself.

i see myself in a dressing room mirror, see myself in the mirror at the gym next to other people, see pictures of myself how i really am not the pose i choose to fake out the camera and the rest of you who can't see the real me from where you are. i have seen me the way that other people see me and i am uncomfortable and embarrassed.

question of the day

2009-08-16T19:28:00.002-07:00

why are men so nasty?????

now when i ask this question i realize that not all of you have gross husbands or men in your life but i got lucky and acquired MANY of those kind of men.

so another question might be...

why do SOME men think certain scents are funny and fun and think it's a good idea to share with EVERYONE?????

now discuss and i will elaborate sooner than you probably want me to.

one talented fanny

2009-08-08T17:11:00.003-07:00

some of you may know that our family has a musical background. some of you may also know that we can be a little crude from time to time (not very often though. hahaha!). well, our little addie has decided to bridge the gap between the two.

those are some cute buns!!!!

update!!!!

2009-08-03T12:12:00.003-07:00

i just wanted to update you all on this post. since i didn't disclose details i will share a couple.

*3 years ago this november we bought this house for over $300,000.00

*today this house is worth $175,000.00

NOT A GOOD THING!!!

*we found out that our mortgage was going up to $8,000.00 a month

(due to the kind of loan we got)

raise your hand if you can afford to pay that...or if you can do you WANT to pay that. especially when the house is worth HALF of what the purchase price was.

*we asked the bank to work with us and they wouldn't so we chose to stop making payments and walk away from our home...(that was a horrible decision for us)

* 5 months of making no payments later they are begging us to let them work with us. they don't want another empty home. they have made a very desirable offer and we have decided to stay.

THE END!!!

THE BEGINNING!!!

again

just something...ANYTHING!!!

2009-07-21T18:30:00.002-07:00

me with my tiniest girl

i love this family!!!! it's just too bad that rich is so short. :)

standing in line at wal-mart

2009-07-02T20:57:00.002-07:00

jenna: mom!!!!! look at that lady, she looks SO WEIRD!!!!!

me: that's because she's michael jackson honey. :)

HAHAHAHAHA! i was laughing so hard and so loud that everyone around was staring.

look who's up and moving around

2009-06-23T09:56:00.002-07:00

this little stinker realized about 2 weeks ago that she could get to what she wants by moving around and she is taking full advantage of her new skills.

2009-06-20T11:07:00.002-07:00

it took me 4 hours of hard core pushing to get this boys 10 lb body out of me and into this world. it was so hard and even though he came out looking like this, (and i just KNEW his head would never get better) i was totally in love with every inch of his mangled self. from head to toe this boy screamed trauma. the process of getting him here was just as long and difficult for him as it was for me and it showed. it didn't take too long for him to snap out of it and ten years later he is more beautiful than ever.

yesterday he woke up to the traditional benintendi streamers and balloons and presents waiting for him in the middle of the floor.

tristan want just a few simple things and he got all of them. he wanted a good book so we got him the fablehaven book that he didn't have yet. he asked for socks (which is a weird thing for a ten year old to ask for but OK) i got him 5 packs of gum because he is always stealing mine and a pack of white copy paper for the same reason. we ordered a harry potter wand online and were still waiting for that to come.

he also wanted tech dech skateboards...he ALWAYS wants these over the last few years he has probably had around 50. he loves these things!

after he opened his presents he and i went to breakfast together just the 2 of us. it's nice to get that one on one time with him and i know that he likes it to because he asks for it all the time. he chose mcdonalds and since it was his day that's where we went. :)

a little later in the day we went to see "UP"! it was such a sweet movie and totally brought me to tears. i did sleep through about half of it but i saw the important parts. i think the kids really liked it.

after the movie we went to an early dinner at dennys, another of trisants b-day picks. :) it was free for him so that was a pretty good deal.

while we were there we noticed that our baby girl cut a tooth. can't see it in this picture, actually she won't let us see it at all but we can for sure feel it.

after dinner some of our favorite people on the planet came over to sing happy birthday and have cake and ice cream.

some of the kids played a little pin the tail on the donkey...doesn't ben look great in pink?

we sang....

he blew out the candles...this mark the beginning of another wonderful year with an amazing son.

the boys went out after to play mini golf and play some video games. they were out late and seemed to have a great time.

jeff is at urgent care now getting x-rays on his hand, he was being a weirdo last night and hurt it and it's swollen. all you had to do is tell me you didn't want to do yard work jeff! this is kind of an expensive way to get out of work!

HAPPPY BIRTHDAY TRISTAN!!!!

all on a sunday afternoon

2009-06-14T15:32:00.002-07:00

at least the underwear say huggable!

tristan thought it would be a great idea to customize an oreo.

sunday at the benintendis is always some kind of adventure.

really????

2009-06-02T21:25:00.001-07:00

i had no idea until today that golf clubs had this much bend...NO IDEA!

but look at that swing on my boy, not too shabby huh!

( a little daddy and tristan time in 103 deg.)

tatum is getting married!

2009-05-21T23:08:00.002-07:00

(this is jeff)
so the other night when i got home from california, we were eating dinner and tatum says: "mom and dad, when i get married me and my husband are going to have spaghetti... "we'll each have one side and slurp it until we kiss."

I told her she is on restriction until she is 50!

Jeff

the best laid plans

2009-05-19T14:22:00.004-07:00

remember if you want a reality blog come here. if you want someone to lie to you about how AMAZING their life is you are in the wrong place!

i had every intention of enjoying my sisters visit to the FULLEST...i really did. i was so excited to have her here while jeff was in florida doing his half ironman. i was going to have the house clean and along with that i had the idea that there would be A LOT of fun and laughter.

for days before shelly arrived i had a headache that would not go away. this meant that the house cleaning was absolutely minimal. i also got little to no sleep the night before for a # of reasons. when she got here she helped me clean out the girls room and throw things away that they just don't need and get us ready for our move. i had a headache at the time but it was easier then doing it on my own so i took complete advantage of here help.

what i will say to make this short is:

i didn't sleep at all while she was here

i had a headache every day, including the 3 1/2 hours of the 4 free hours we had without kids.

i got the biggest, nastiest fever blister i have ever had in my life, and i've had a lot of them. what you probably don't know is that theses things tend to take over my whole life while i have them...it HURTS!

i got a special lady infection.

my baby had a fever for three of the days...pretty grumpy. double ear infection.

shelly took her turn on sunday with a nasty headache.

and after i dropped my sister off at the airport i got a visit from aunt flow and if you know me you know when she comes to visit i'm pretty much stuck at home.

super fun visit shelly. glad we could get together. next time we'll meet in hawaii! :) even with all of the nonsense i enjoyed having my sister around. we don't get to see each other much. i love you shell! thanks for your help.

as if the last 5 days weren't action packed enough, jeff spent a couple of hours with us last night while he tried to stay alert. (he is exhausted from the ironman and no sleep) he couldn't even wake up enough to come sleep in our bed with me. come to think of it, maybe it was all of the stuff above that kept him out of our bed. :) and then before we got up this morning he was out the door again headed to cali for work for 2 days. 7 day without a husband/daddy. i know that people do it for way longer and that other people have worse issues than me but i think it has all just added up.

to add to my adventure addie was up most of the night last night and when we got up in the morning i could see what was keeping her up.
this poor little sweet heart is having an allergic reaction to her antibiotics.

it's all over her face and in her hair and now that it's later in the day it has traveled to her stomach and her limbs.

i was going to give her benadryl but i'm afraid because on the label it says DO NOT GIVE TO CHILDREN UNDER 2! that kind of scares me.
i'm tired and i am TOTALLY feeling sorry for myself. i am DONE being alone and feel like i deserve some assistance. i know that at this stage it is out of jeffs control because he's working but i HATE this garbage sometimes. i really feel like a single mom sometimes and it is exhausting.

do you know of anyone who has a free maid service? :)

things change

2009-05-11T12:37:00.003-07:00

two and a half years ago we moved into this house. it was such an awesome experience for our family. we have learned so much and grown in ways that have been surprising to me. without going into all of the unpleasant details, our circumstances have drastically changed. jeff is NOT unemployed and financially we are doing well. however, at the beginning of july we will be relocating...

...to this location. it's beautiful, it's a new start, it's $1600.00 a month less than what we are paying right now and it also happens to be 700 sq. ft. less than what we are living in. it is going to be an adjustment, mostly for me and we are going to have to get a storage unit for ALL of the things that won't fit in to that little place. it will be GREAT! we were really lucky to have found this place and it feels like the right thing for our family. the best part is that we get to stay in our ward with the people that we have grown to love so much. the other fun thing is that it is right across the street so moving will be pretty easy. getting people to be excited about walking heavy furniture across the street in the heat of an arizona summer is another thing.

we are going to be ok and i have to say that this is all just a part of us becoming who we will eventually be. :)

2009-05-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

big open mouth kisses to all of you from us!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

in a nut shell

2009-05-02T08:22:00.009-07:00

mom i wanna hold addie!

he took her from me, she snuggled in perfectly to fit the shape of his body, he squeezed her chubbiness to show her in his own sweet way that he can't get enough of her, she laid still to let him because she knows what that means. they loved every minute of being together, they are in love...and so am i.

special friends

2009-04-24T20:32:00.002-07:00

one who is always there for me and one that i wish i was closer to who was there for me tonight. you are wonderful and have for sure lightened my load. i am sitting in my home and i can breathe a little bit easier because of you. i love you both. everyone needs at least one special friend...i am lucky to have MANY!

this is what happens...

2009-04-23T13:01:00.003-07:00

when the mom is dealing with depression.

i'm showing you this so that you won't be afraid when you knock at my door... and then i open.

in about two weeks when the medication starts to work i'm sure that it can look close to this again. of course i won't be putting christmas decorations up but you get the idea.

keep your fingers crossed for me!

dear friends,

2009-04-21T09:34:00.003-07:00

i would really like to thank everyone who came to my shower before i was born and brought me diapers and wipes!

i turned 5 months on the 15th and last night was the first time that my mom had to buy diapers since i was born. AWESOME HUH? we still have 2 packs of wipes left too.

thank you so much!

love,

Addie's buns

addies birth story

2009-04-07T09:06:00.008-07:00

addie will be five months old on the 15th and i think that i need to write her birth story here before i forget any more of the details.

please understand that i am warning you ahead of time about a few things.

1. there are a TON of pictures

2. some of the pictures are going to be pretty gross to some of you.

3. i was HUGE (approx. 245 lbs.) not to say that i am petite now but i am 40 lbs lighter and have intentions of loosing at least 40 more lbs.

the morning of nov. 14th 2008 i woke up knowing that i would be induced. i called the hospital and they said that they were full. those who know how miserable i was (MY WHOLE PREGNANCY)will understand when i say that i cried when i heard that. i needed that girl out!

i toughed it out the whole day while having bouts of emotion over still being pregnant and sadness that i would never be this way again.

as the day wore on i was irritated that we never got maternity pictures so i went upstairs and did my hair and makeup not knowing if i would even get into the hospital that night. a bunch of crazy ladies kept going into labor and taking MY BED! i got my husband to take a few pictures of me even though it was getting darker and darker outside. i was determined that this was going to be done even if it was raining outside.

this was a good as we could get and you gotta love the sign that i'm sitting next to.

looking at the pictures of this large belly, i am reminded of how absolutely amazing the whole process really is. heavenly father is SO wise.

THERE IS A PERSON IN THERE!

i wanted this to be more like the pics that i took with each child before a new one would come ( them standing next to me with their hand on my belly with all of us in the picture) but this is what we got and this will do. YES! i have stretch marks but my husband photoshoped most of them out.

i got the phone call about 5:00 pm that they were ready for me and that i should eat a little something cause they wouldn't feed me until after the baby was born. i ate a yogurt and someones (probably tatums) leftover apples and peanut butter that was on the table for who knows how long.

doesn't jeff look so sweet in this picture...like he really loves me. :)

we were on our way with the million and one things that we had packed and ready to go.

we were on our way to the car and our baby came running out to us crying and it was such a sad moment for all of us. i think we were all realizing the reality that tatum was no longer the baby and that was so sad. i was trying not to cry in front of her.

we picked her up and gave her love and let her know that she would come see us in the morning and hold her new baby. i cried when we got in the car.

when we got to the hospital they informed me that i wouldn't be induced until about midnight because i had tested positive for strep so they needed to do two 2 hour rounds of antibiotics. i had no idea that when they put the antibiotic through my veins that i was going to wish i was dead. my whole left arm was on fire. jeff called the nurse and she put lidocane in my I.V. ...why don't they just do that in the first place?!? i was also dilated to a stretchy 4 cm. when i got there. that didn't surprise me one bit. i knew she felt like she was falling out. i don't know how i could have possibly gone another week and a half.

while i was waiting around, three of my sweet friends came to visit me. (ashley, amber and sarah) they had just gotten back from toilet papering one of our friends houses...silly ladies. i wish i could have gone. :) my favorite gift was the country edition people magazine...i don't love country music so i didn't know who in the heck the artist were that i was looking at. they stayed until an hour after i was induced which was beyond sweet considering that all three of these girls are early birds and like to be in bed at a reasonable hour. i informed them that they would need to leave in 10 or 15 min because there company wasn't going to be fun for me anymore. (laughter and talking in the middle of contractions is NOT ok with me, i need to focus)

i wish this picture was bigger! jeff found this bra behind the couch while he was moving it so that sarah and amber could sit closer to me. jeff is such a goofball!

things got pretty intense after they left. i like to see how long i can go without any drugs. with jenna i ended up having her natural. the anaesthesiologist came in and asked me if i wanted drugs because he thought that i had called for an epidural. "nope not me but it might not be too much longer. you better hurry and get to the other girl QUICK, if she asked for it she doesn't want you standing in here talking to me"! it wasn't long after that that i felt pain like i had never felt in my other labors. i felt like i wasn't getting any breaks from the pain. i sent my sister to get dr. feelgood. somehow things weren't going like i wanted them to (i actually told my mom and my mother-in-law to shut-up, now i would have to be out of my mind in pain to say that to either of them, i apologised to them later) i woke jeff up and sent him out to find me an epidural. IT TOOK FOREVER for him to get there! once he was there they sent everyone but jeff out of the room. he actually botched the first try and had to do it all over again...i don't like to be practice, just give me someone who know what they're doing. i have never agonized so much during labor, i am the quietest while laboring and giving birth...NEVER a peep. i did WAY more than peep. i will never forget that experience. i think that jeff was quite concerned. he had never seen me that way. i remember actually pinching his neck and his cheeks and pulling on his clothes...that is SO out of character for me.

i got comfortable and labored in my sleep and was awaken by my little girl knock, knock, knockin on heavens door, she was rip roarin ready to shove her way out. the nurse checked me, she was coming. she put my legs in the stirrups and asked me to push..."YEP! ok, don't do that again yet i'll be right back, i'm going to get the dr." then she returns, "he'll be here in ten min" all i could think is, how am i going to hold this baby in for TEN MORE MIN!?!?! she left and returned again, proceeds to remove all of the delivery gear and takes my leg OUT of the stirrups, "what are you doing!?!?!?!" "the dr. is at the other hospital and he is in the middle of another delivery, he won't be here for another FORTY MIN. here is the menu if you order your food now it should be here by the time your baby comes out"! was that supposed to make me feel better? don't i look excited?

we got the call that the dr. was almost there so she started to get me ready again. lights, camera, action! WHOA! look at that belly!

when i saw this picture i totally thought it looked like i was giving birth to E.T.

one of the special things about having jeff for a husband and having an epidural is that you never know until you look at the pictures that he has done something like this.

i thought this was so funny from my angle so i had to get a picture. i grabbed the camera from my sister and took these next three while trying not to let my baby drop out.

when dr. lepetich walked into the room i yelled, "YOU'RE FIRED" he just laughed and asked why. well, i let him know why wit no hesitation.

notice the red bag at the bottom of the picture. well, the nurse forgot to put it under me and the whole room was a mess. it just splashed EVERYWHERE! the dr. was COVERED!

after a few pushes out came her pretty head and everyone was saying, "ooooh she looks just like tatum" i'm gonna be honest it is a little weird to have people staring in your crotch and saying that it looks like one of your children. i hadn't seen her head yet so that is just what it felt like. dr. L. turned her so that she was facing jeff and i and told me to reach down and pull her out. i wish now that i had but for some reason in that moment it seemed like an impossible thing for me to do. jeff and i each grabbed one of her hands and she grabbed back. i pushed my last push and out came our sweet addie.

born: nov. 15th 2008

at: 8:06 am

weight: 8 lbs. 4 oz.

length: 21 1/2 in.

i love being able to hold my baby right away. i love to whisper sweet nothings in her tiny new ears so that she knows that her Mommy hasn't gone anywhere.

i think this is such a cool ritual that us humans do. i think it is so appropriate that daddy should be the one to sever the thing that physically connects a mother to her child. kind of like saying, now you belong to both of us.

really gross i know but my mother-in-Law started this with tristan so we had to take pics. of all of the kids first homes. :) i'm glad she talked me into it because it is so cool to me and dr. leptich loved it too. he sat and messed with it for a while and was so amazed by it like he had never seen one before. he made the whole birthing process amazing for me. he loves his job and it shows. he pointed out that it looks like a tree...the very first tree of life. :)

here we are. this is the worst pic, i know but it WAS completely black before and no faces were visible so it actually looks amazing in comparison.

my nurse was right, just as addie came out there was a knock at the door and there was my food. i ate while he stitched me up. i had no idea how HUNGRY i was until the first bite went in to my mouth. birthing a baby is heavy duty work man.

this is addies first bath. i am amazed every time how rough they are with the babies. they really scrub the heck out of them.

all clean!

daddys hand next to her calmed her right down.

this daddy loves his baby girl so much!

jeff letting me smooch on my little girl a bit.

WOW! don't i look lovely!

tristan wanted to hold her first so we let him cause we felt kind of bad for him that addie left him being the only boy. :)

looking at all of her small stuff.

me and the not so baby...and her cornnuts.

me and my kiddos.

i wanted a picture of my whole family in the hospital and the one person who is supposed to have the most self control could NOT look at the camera. he was teasing tatum in EVERY picture. thank you jeff, for making this such a special picture for me.

i was ready for a nap!

addies first game of peek a boo. what a sweet sissy.

adoreing our new sweet heart.

notice jeff has no facial hair? he shaves it off the day that every baby is born. he wants to kiss all over those sweet faces without hurting them. :)

and this is our photographer/my sister/aunt shelly! thanks for all of the great pictures!

it was such a special and sacred experiance...every time was in it's own way. as hard as it is to be a mother of four every day holds special experiances and i am grateful to have a sweet husband to share them with.