Tuesday, March 24, 2009

my addie girl

this is my sweet little girl. she has been super sick with one thing after the next since she was 2 weeks old. i don't think that she knows what it's like to feel good and it makes me so sad because even though this life is hard it is WONDERFUL and i need her to feel that.

at four months old she has had 2 double ear infections, a # of fevers, bronchitis, one cold after another, she's on her second round of antibiotics, had a sleep apnea monitor
(that i opted not to use) has acid reflux and is on medicine for that and is having 3 breathing treatments a day so that she can cough the junk up that is making it so hard for her to breath.
you see, this beautiful soul has had four months of trials...trivial compared to some but trials nonetheless and taxing on this tiny yet super chubby body.
those of you who REALLY know me are aware of my sickness phobia...if you have it we'll get it! i really try to keep my kids away from sick kids and i am a weirdo about my kids getting other kids sick so my kids miss a lot of school when they are sick. i am convinced that if everyone were as careful as me there would be minimal illness at school. back to miss addie!

all day yesterday she was a little different. she would lay on me and just rest her sweet head on my chest. this is something that i LOVE my babies to do and this one doesn't just do it unless she is asleep. i thought she must be really getting attached to me and just wanted us to be close. she started acting a little funny but i didn't think much of it. i put her to bed and went downstairs to watch some tv. i heard a strange cough from addie and i had a sick feeling in my heart and ran upstairs to check on her. when i got there she was breathing funny and since the light was off i started to feel around in her crib. she was COVERED in vomit. i have never seen so much vomit from a tiny baby. it was in her nose and her ears and all over her head and parts of her body. i picked her up right away and her breathing continued to be strange. i was so worried. jeff took her in the shower and things got really weird with her. when i used the bulb syringe to clean out her nose she just laid there and stared at me

(not normal, she usually fights me) her eyes were glazed over and it was then that i realized that she may have aspirated on some of the vomit. jeff decided to take her to the bath because she was changing colors and we thought she wasn't warm enough in the shower. after they got in the bath she still wasn't responding normally. we noticed that her arms and hands were purple and the right side of her head was also purple. jeff told me to take her to the ER and when he handed her to me she was like a rubber doll. SO UNNERVING! i couldn't take her by myself because i needed to be able to hold her, i HAD to hold her. jeff called the ER and talked to a nurse and while they were talking her color started to come back and her breathing became more regular. it turns out that she has the flu. she threw up most of the night (poor little girl) it was so scary for me and it was also for her. she would panic a bit every time she needed to throw-up

she is so exhausted today and quite honestly so are jeff and i, not only from no sleep but this was really traumatic for all of us. there isn't a bigger fear in my life than to loose a child and when her color changed and she became lethargic i couldn't think of anything else but how would i live with out this person in my life. i am so grateful for the prompting that i received that was so clear. i needed to RUN to my baby. if i hadn't who knows how bad this could have been.
i need her tiny hand to touch my face and pull my hair and squeeze my lips...i just need her.


Brynn said...

She really is beautiful! How scary. I think I would have called 911 like 5 times. I can't believe how calm you guys are!

Enjoy Birth said...

Hugs to you and Addie. I hope that she gets better quickly and that she is healthier from now on!

5littlenordstroms said...

That is so scary. I hope she gets well really soon. So sorry for all the sickness. Love ya!

Crazy Momma said...

i'm so sorry i hope she feels better soon, you are so right about the prompting shea was 4 weeks old when she stared vomiting and we got in the car and drove 45 minutes to the best peds er in phx she needed stomic sergury and we did the right thing getting her there. I'm glad you got answers and she's in my preyers. love!

Nash said...

oh i am so so sorry.
i hope all is well quickly.
i cannot imagine how scary that would be,
glad you listened to your prompting.
i love the picture of the back of her neck.

Rachelle said...

I can't even imagine how horrifying that all must have been. Poor little thing! My Zach has been through the ringer, too, with illnesses, breathing treatments, etc., but sounds like he has nothing on Addie. Hope she gets better and STAYS better soon!

The Van Fam said...

oh my gosh, stacey, that is scary! i am so happy she is better now. poor little girl. it is so sad when you kids are sick, especially that sick and so tiny! when trey was about 9 months he had a super high fever and had a seizure. luckily i was holding him when it happened, but he wasn't breathing and it really was the scariest thing i have ever expereinced. connor is still not better either, thats why we have kept him home from church the last 3 weeks. he is acting normal but he has this horrible cough that wont go away, i'm sure its from the rsv he had a few months ago. this sickeness season has been horrible!

Anonymous said...

Oh Stacy that is so scary! Poor thing. You are both in my prayers. I hope she can catch a break soon and feel healthy. Love that little goosey goose. love you,

renhallows said...

sorry to hear about little sister....that would be quite scary.
hope you can all get some sleep over the next few days and she will start feeling better.

Unknown said...

OK...I'm a dork...but that post totally made me cry. I know just how you feel! I HATE it when my kids are sick, and not acting like themselves. It always scares me. But what a sweet baby you have! I hope she feels better soon...poor thing!