...pounds that is. let the hard work begin.
a week and a half ago i made the choice to feel better about my self in every way. i think #1 for me has to be to loose this hideous weight that holds me back from doing everything that i want to do...comfortably, anyway. i have always had issues with my body even when i was super skinny. i remember my mom telling me to "appreciate your body now cause once you have kids it'll never be this beautiful again". this couldn't have been more true. i didn't take her advice and i nit picked my body to death.
my father (who i love but he's a little shallow, ok a lot shallow) would always let me know when i looked like i might be 120 instead of 115 and he made it a point do the same to my friends. this still happens. now this isn't a dad bash but i'm just trying to point out where some of my messed up weight issues may have steamed from.
almost ten years ago i married an awesome guy who is a ton of fun and who eventually ended up weighing 400 lbs. i don't know you but sometimes i just want to keep up with the joneses and that, in a way is what i did. obviously i didn't make it to 400 lbs but it is way easier to be fat when you have someone to be fat with.
having said that i recognize that my weight gain is 100% MY FAULT and i take full responsibility. i'm even a little mad at myself for allowing other peoples actions and words to dictate my behavior.
i don't have a portion control problem. for the most part it is about the bad food choices. i have developed a love of foods that are just not good for human consumption. i've always eaten healthfully and was raised by a health nut and was exposed to best, most fresh, natural foods. i love these foods thanks to my mother. not everyone can say that they LOVE the healthy stuff, i can! thanks mom.
last thursday i started back on weight watchers and yesterday i started back at the gym. it feels really good to me to be doing something to make ME better. i have to make it work. i know i can make it work. i'm gonna feel good and i'm gonna look even better.
i have before pictures but i'm not going to share them until i have at least half of my weight off. it was a little shocking for me to "see" myself this way.
i started at (ahhhhhhh this is REALLY putting myself out there) 215 lbs and today (a week and a half later) i am at 208 lbs. my goal is to get to 160 which is a size 9/10 for me and where i was when i got married. i am however not opposed to getting to 150 which was my pre-tristan weight.
first things first though. i need to lose 10% of my body weight for my first goal. that will put me at about 190 which will get me out of the 200's. this is happy news. and i'll just work from there until i reach 160.
i know this was long and boring but it helps me so much to verbalize it this way and i could totally use the support. i'll post again once i've lost my 10%.
HAPPY DAY! :)