Wednesday, September 03, 2008

so here's the scary truth

i am almost 29 weeks and i am ENORMOUS!!!!
i have struggled with my weight for years and there have been a number of contributing factors. it first happened when i grew my beautiful boy and it's been down hill since then. i have been heavier at the beginning of every pregnancy but with the first 3 ended up at the same weight in the end. I STARTED THIS ONE AT THE ENDING WEIGHT OF THE OTHER 3!!!! this is not ok!
i thought that the b&w picture would make me look thinner but it didn't so i'm giving you one in color too. here i am in ALL my pregnant and self conscious glory. don't get me wrong, i am extremely aware of what an amazing thing this is that my body can do, i LOVE to feel my little girl move and groove inside of my horribly damaged body, i KNOW how lucky i am that heavenly father has allowed me to experience this at all...i am lucky!
i know that this will be the last time i feel this way, the last time i look this way, the last time i swell like this, the last time my hips hurt so bad when i TRY to sleep at night, the last time i cry over everything, the last time i feel a life grow inside of my own and the last time i push the person that i grew and kept safe inside of my self out of my body. it's not glamorous, it's not always pretty but this is the last time for me and i am feeling happy and horribly sad all at once (motherhood...sick and twisted i tell you)
i am TRYING to be as positive as i can and feel every bump so that i have no regrets about how i spent my last experience of being a vessel to bring a life into this world. so for now my body belongs to my baby girl and before that it belonged to my other three babies but after this it's mine...forever and i can make it look however i wish. :)

20 comments:

shawni said...

I think pregnant women are gorgeous. I'm jealous that you get to feel that little baby in there, but not jealous of the pregnancy stuff!

Eric and Addie said...

Oh my goodness I loved this post! Very well written. That is how I feel, except now that I am done being pregnant I haven't made the best choices for how I want my body to look. Hopefully I will get it together one of these days.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you look absolutely adorable! Your such a beautiful pregnant girl.

Brenna said...

I agree with Shawni. There is something just so extraordinarily feminine about being pregnant. You are beautiful in every single way and it seems to me whenever I am around you, that you are savoring every moment, including that Tatum is almost not the "baby" anymore. Hopefully I'll be there someday again. love you, Christine

Jody said...

I'm right with ya, girl. I made an agreement with myself that I could "lend out" my body to procreation for a number of years (turned into about 11 years, counting nursing) Then it would be all MINE. Now that I'm just over a year out it, I should be more consistant about getting back to shape. It's hard, though. You have to learn how to work with a "well-worn" body....we all know lots of things permenantly change. But I'm determined...... (as long as sickness goes away....)

(btw, you look great....everyone feels huge at this point. We know what you're going through.)

Shelly Hanson said...

Ohhhhh, you are my sexiest sister! I can't wait to see you !!! and breath in all that sweet new baby smell. After she's been washed up of course...YUMMY! And I still make no promises on the pictures. I may take creative license...one never knows. wink wink

The Porter's said...

I wish i was right there with you, on your last ofcourse. im am with you everystep of the way. i think if i gain anymore weight my legs are going to fall of, because they will no longer be able to support my body. lol and whats up with this whole feeling of my crotch wanting to fall out. awwww i hoope it gets "BETTER" when i hit my 3rd.

Sheridan said...

Stacy,
You are beautiful! I love getting an update, I haven't seen one in awhile and was wondering how you were. Hugs!

Rachelle said...

Well, if it's any consolation, I was getting overly proud of myself about not gaining too much weight, and then I went to the doctor's on Monday and I gained *gasp* 11 lbs in one month! AAAAAAGH! I gained in one month close to the same I had gained up until then. So, I feel your pain and you're not alone! I live by the beach and am afraid someone will mistaken me for a beached whale. I hate harpoons.

adam said...

I think you look beautiful! You feel big, and I hear you on that one. It's hard to see your body change so quickly, but honestly, you look darling.

I love how you are making an effort to really enjoy your last pregnancy. I'll be honest. I told everyone my last was my last, but I didn't really believe it myself. I hoped there would be one more. And I hope if we decide to go at it one more time that I can enjoy it like you.

Sarah said...

I love your big baby belly. You are beautiful! I am excited to feel the way you do. In just a few or so more months. I love the way you word stuff. You just hit the nail on the head with everything.

Kenyon said...

I seriously dont think you look big...but whatever. TRUST me I know how you feel. You described exactly how I feel pregnant. I always think other pregnant women look so beautiful, that makes me excited to be pregnant and than when I am pregnant I feel and AM huge!!! I get swollen and enormous. Try, try try to enjoy (I know you already are) but in the scheme of things it is such a small moment in our lives.I WISH so bad I could keep that perpesctive my entire pregnancy :) You are such a beautiful woman inside and out...there is something very "Hot" about you :)

Ali said...

girl, it's ABOUT TIME you updated your blog! lol! i read the comment about "and whats up with this whole feeling of my crotch wanting to fall out" and laughed so hard! seriously, you're beautiful stace. i know you don't feel it right now, but know other people can still see it. hang in there girl!

5littlenordstroms said...

You look great Stacy! I have a hard time believing it when others say it to me but honestly there really is something beautiful about a pregnant lady no matter how large they get. I feel your pain only I can say mine will be over any day now. Good luck to you over the next couple of months. I loved every word you wrote because it is exactly how I feel on my last time around too. Keep us posted on your progress and I can't wait to see you with that sweet baby girl in your arms.

Robyn said...

What's a few pounds when you will have that gorgeous little girl in the end. And as we've said before, you and Jeff make the most beautiful babies. I wish I had your perspective when I was pregnant with Emma. I didn't think to savor every kick, twitch and nudge. I don't think I'll be down that road again, but if I do, I will be sure to savor it, like you. You look beautiful and don't worry, we can't expect to be as small as we were in high school....that was eons ago!! :)

Kevin's ladies said...

your still look beautiful so stop the worries and enjoy it! miss you laughter and smiling face!

Jill said...

You poor thing. It truly is a blessing and a great experience to give birth. I only could wish that I could do that to. But I am greatful for the babies I do have and enjoy every minute of it. I hope you will conitue to have a healthy pregancy.

Shalene said...

Oh, you are beautiful...big baby belly and all. You still look 100% better than I ever did being pregnant, I am starting the itch for #2, Jordan will be a year old in two weeks....wow, how time flies. I am glad that you posted, I check your blog at least 2x a week, you have an amazing way of expressing things.

renhallows said...

There isn't anything I can write that hasn't already been said, you look fabulous. Every mother in the world understands the 29th month...it's the hardest and most rewarding. I don't want to be done being pregnant for the very reason you are mentioning..I didn't savor my last pregnancy for it to be my very last. Can't wait for an update of the baby girl.

erin said...

Aww..you are so cute Stacy! I think these are great pictures. What a blessing it is to have this little baby girl moving inside of you...i would give anything to have that again!! big or small!! pregnant women are so beautiful. you will have the rest of your life to 'get back in shape'...but for now, enjoy every last minute, even if it includes the not so fun stuff (sorry).
love you girl!!

Nash said...

You really do look great.
I immediately noticed your hair not your baby bump.
I am feeling the way you are now, it's keeping me from getting pregnant and I feel a little guilty.
Well, hang in there. If you ever want to go to lunch let me know. I am always up for it.
Thanks for always commenting on my blog. I am glad you finally posted.
Keep your chin up.